Taking Flight, The Single Life

Singleness

What I’m about to say might sound very satirical and sarcastic. That’s what I was going for, but if that’s not your thing, if you have a hard time understanding sarcasm or taking it, then you might want to stop reading now.

What I’m about to say might sound like it comes from bitterness and resentment toward all things love and relationships, but I beg of you to keep reading because that is not my motivation at all.

So, allow me to paint a picture for you.

What if single people posted as much about being single as some dating, engaged, newlywed or married people posted about their relationships? No, if we did that, the sky might fall on top of us and humanity would cease to exist as we know it.

What if instead of Mancrush Monday and Womencrush Wednesday, we had Single’s Sunday? Or even Saturday…yeah, I think we would settle for Saturday.

Or better yet, what if one day out of the whole year, we had a day were singles could genuinely celebrate their singleness? They could post pictures of the single life and all the couples would just have to sit there thinking, “You know it’s cool you all have your day, but we couples still exist and we would like some recognition, too.”

All of this sounds ridiculous and obnoxious, right? At least that’s what I’m hoping you think.

A couple of times on Taking Flight I’ve talk about Christianity and the Christian community’s approach to singleness and dating, but this isn’t just a Christian problem, it’s a world problem. But the fact of the matter is relationships are celebrated while singleness is left high and dry.

So much is dedicated to and set aside for the dating/married community. Annual holidays; twice weekly social media days; one week, one month, six month and one year anniversaries; annual holidays for those who have taken their relationship to the next level and added a child to the mix. Congratulations. You can reproduce. What an accomplishment. Bacteria does that multiple times a day, but ya know…it’s cool.

Sarcasm aside…in the midst of all these special days we’re recognizing parents who really aren’t that great at being parents. We’re celebrating relationships that are on the rocks except in the perfectly posed, beautifully written captions of Instagram photos. We’re elevating husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, dads and moms who are so bad at it that all of us single people can’t even.

This isn’t to deny those who are great parents, spouses and significant others the credit due them. After all, if I were in that position, I think I would like to get a pat on the back every once in awhile if I were doing a decent job at it, but where are the flowers and chocolates for the single peeps? Or a plane ticket to some place really cool (because it’s really all the same)?

I mean we’d like to think we’re killin’ it at this whole single thing, but it’s kind of hard when the things being celebrated are not singleness and making the most of this season of life. There’s no special day for singles. There’s only sad sideways glances, pity and well meaning (but actually insulting) “it will come” comments.

So, as my call-to-action, in the moments when you’re celebrating your relationships and the blessings that come with them this Valentine’s season, also take a moment to celebrate the single in your life in whatever way you possibly can.


 

Join the Taking Flight community during the month of February for this month long series, Single Life!

Single Life

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4 thoughts on “Singleness

  1. Algerita Massey says:

    Thank you for thoughts and addressing this issue! Sometimes it is very tough living single in a very much couples or family world. I have a wonderful family who love and support me but being a divorced mother of 3 it was tough learning to live single when you were never brought up to live that way. My children are grown and have loving families of their own and it is wonderful to experience their joy and see them as husbands and fathers. I am still single, living on my own and feel very blessed to do so. Took some time to get here but loving it with the help of many friends living the same life. God knows the struggles, Christ was single and all of us will be judged on our own lives not as “couples”. Our churches need to understand, teach and encourage their single members whether never married, divorced or widowed. each with our own unique story. Who knows, they might learn something from us!
    Thank you again!

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    • Thank you so much for sharing a little bit of your story! A good friend of mine is the product of a divorced family and she speaks nothing but great things about her mother who leaned on Christ despite the trials she faced. To my friend her mother is the strongest woman she has ever known. Those were almost the exact words she used when she told me about this part of her past. How you live your life through singleness or divorce can speak volumes about your faith and proclaim Christ in such an amazing and powerful way! And I would probably guess that your children see you as a very strong woman for what you’ve been through and how you’ve responded to your trials!

      And it’s so true what you say about “living single in a very much couples or family world” and that we really do have so much to offer. The single demographic is a highly overlooked population in the church and in the world, but we all have “our own unique story” and perspective to add to the mix!

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  2. Sweet Girl,

    This world is a crazy place. There is always the pressure to be in the place you are not. I am married but without kids and I get comments from freakin’ strangers asking why I don’t have kids yet, hahah – but I digress. The point is that we (as humans) are driven by movement and for some reason we see a relationship as progress on the timeline of life (then kids, retirement, and death I guess)

    Here is the thing – marriage is hard so anniversaries should be celebrated. Mothers & Fathers work so hard to raise tiny humans so they should be celebrated. Every life is valuable so Birthdays should be celebrated! Lot’s of people struggle getting pregnant and babies are a gift so pregnancies should be celebrated!

    Valentine’s Day – I get it. It often turns into this huge “who has a date?!” competition but that is so far off from what it is all about. Honestly I think it is way more a day to intentionally celebrate those you love – growing up we did family parties and then Valentine’s with my girls in college were some of my favorite.

    I’m sorry that you only feel hurt and isolated by the “taken” community. I love to celebrate friendship on Valentine’s day and make it a huge point to send notes to my freinds. I’m praying you fill extra loved by the people around you. Maybe you should throw a party for all your girls (or girls and guys in a non date-y way) so that everyone feels celebrated!

    I know you know singleness is okay! (I mean your “killin’ it at this whole single thing” !!!) And really, enjoy it!!! You are in such a wonderful season.

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    • First, thank you for your grace in bringing up the other side of this issue that I just barely touched on! I definitely agree that anniversaries and celebrating parenthood are very important. I recognize that those things are hard and I certainly don’t want to tear down those who do struggle with getting pregnant as you mentioned. Like I said, I barely touched on that when I said, “This isn’t to deny those who are great parents, spouses and significant others the credit due them.”

      But you do have to admit that our culture and especially in the church, there is a huge focus on this season of life that is either so far removed or may never be attained in life. My motivation was to only reveal this alienated population and the struggles of this season for what they are but still recognizing that this is in fact a “wonderful season” as you said.

      Thank you so much for your thoughts!

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